No. 2: The Authenticity Collection

The major theme of this year for me was about becoming myself — and it's been ugly.

This journey actually started in 2022 when I faced the reality that I really didn't know who I was if I wasn't performing for someone. My whole identity centered around "playing the part" to meet other people's expectations for my life.

My life.

I can't explain to you how terrifying it is to be in your late 30's and wake up one day to the realization that you don't truly know yourself. It felt as if I was coming out of a coma. I was scared. I was sad. And even though I wasn't diagnosed as depressed, I definitely had the symptoms.

For a long time, life was just passing me by and I was stuck in a pity party with no sign of an exit in sight. I'm not sure how I got out of that state, but I do remember just being over it. I was literally annoyed by my own negativity. Come to think of it, it had to be the counseling because one day I just wasn't comfortable in that dark space anymore. I wanted to leave. I wanted to heal. (Now, that's an aha moment.)

In hindsight, the healing process had already begun the moment I decided to take counseling seriously. It just took some time for my emotions to catch up to my mindset. (Another aha.) And when they did, for what felt like the first time in my life, I had permission to just be me. All I had to do was figure out what the heck that meant.

Now, mind you, although this was a good turning point, I was very much so still healing. By no means had I arrived anywhere, yet. It's just like when you switch highways on a long road trip. Some highways are filled with traffic or construction and they're harder to navigate while other highways are easy breezy. The ebbs and flows come and go, but as long as you keep moving forward, you're getting closer to your destination. This turning point wasn't necessarily easy or breezy, but it was definitely lighter and — dare I say — even a little fun.

My perspective shifted from, "Oh my dear God, I have no idea who I am!" to "Wait a second. Who do I want to be?"

Wild and free.

Artsy.

Full of love and grace, but the wrong one to play with.

A hip hop head.

Independent.

An unapologetic foodie.

Confident.

Unbothered.

Silly as all get out.

Urban bohemian. (Whatever that means.)

Respected, but not feared.

This part of the journey felt really good until I hit my first bump in the road — and it was a big one. No one told me how overlooked and undervalued I would feel as I learned how to stop chasing validation and start living authentically. I wasn't prepared to feel slept on or left out. I was used to attention and praise, but no one was cheering and it was quiet.

I had a decision to make: turn around and go back to living for the applause or continue to create something real. I chose the latter.

Slowly, yet surely, my circle started to change.

I had to separate which relationships to fight for from which relationships to let go.

I allowed space for old friendships to evolve. I released the toxic "strong friend" label and stopped pressuring myself to always be the one who checked in. I gave myself permission to say, "Hey, I need you," which — to my surprise — would be another bump in the road. But the biggest lesson here was that people can't love you beyond the capacity in which they love themselves. This truth helped me forgive and move on with grace instead of animosity and bitterness.

I also had to examine myself, take note of which friendships I had taken advantage of, and hold myself accountable. And you know what? I had to give myself the same forgiveness and grace that I gave others.

Then, there were those friendships that came to an end for no other reason than our season was over. The relationship ran its course. The purpose was served. And that's that. There doesn't always have to be an at-fault party.

I also learned that I had a subconscious belief of not being good enough if a deep friendship wasn't formed with new people I met. What I know now is that different friendships have different levels of depth. I'm not going to click with everybody and that doesn't mean there's beef. It's okay for someone to be just an acquaintance or just a co-worker or just a mutual connection.

I stopped holding on so tightly to people because I stopped holding on to the lie that I somehow failed as a human being if I didn't fit into someone's life or they didn't fit into mine.

This series was birthed through those lessons and the process of becoming myself.

I choose identity over image.

I choose fulfillment over validation.

I choose intention over attention.

Because I choose me.

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Reflect

1. In what ways have you performed for others instead of living authentically? How has that impacted your sense of self? Reflect on moments where you’ve prioritized others' expectations over your own desires or identity.

   
   

2. What aspects of yourself do you want to explore or embrace more fully as you move toward a more authentic version of who you are? Identify qualities, passions, or quirks that feel true to you, even if they don’t align with external perceptions.

   
   

3. How do you define fulfilling relationships? Which connections in your life reflect that mutual energy and intention? Journal about the relationships worth nurturing and the ones you may need to release or allow to evolve.